Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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