oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
