Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
