she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
