I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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