Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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