Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
