At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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