I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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