we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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