the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
