no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
