Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
