which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there is glitter all over my balls
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