Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
