I am in a vortex of obligation.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
