JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
