You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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