Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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