I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
