Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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