I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
