my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
