Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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