you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
