I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
