do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
