Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
