Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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