i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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