ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
