to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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