Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You can't motorboat a personality
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
