i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
