i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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