A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
