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the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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