Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
