I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
