K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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