You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
