Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So much Jack, so little girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
