FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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