sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
