I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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