i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We left the knife in your bed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
