she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
