You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
