so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
