Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
